Are you the one person in the world who doesn’t mind not getting your way?

I didn’t think so.

I love getting my way too and it’s not impossible if you invoke Mark Twain’s famous quote: “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as you please.”

Distortion is a great weapon for all things absurd; denial too, but neither are great for the statistical possibility or reality of getting your way.

The odds of getting your way are much better if you apply the 80-20 principle, or the “law of the vital few.”  Of everything you try to accomplish in a day, this rule gets you your way 80% of the time by doing roughly 20% of the things that really matter to you.

Can you imagine what your life might be like with those odds?  If not, here are 7 secrets that will help you get your way, more often than not.

1. Shad-up and Listen: It’s amazing how much I get what I want since learning to keep my mouth shut and my ears open.  Learning to “bite” my tongue was no small fete.  I was quick with the quips, but the more I practice staying quiet, the more I listen – actively.  It doesn’t count if I’m forming a response in my brain while the other person is talking.  When I catch myself responding this way internally that is code for being defensive; a nerve has been struck, which is precisely why I should be paying attention.

2. Be Honest, Direct and Willing to Apologize: The more I tell the truth, the more I get my way.  I will never please everyone.  Efforts to do so are futile.  No one ends up pleased, least of all me.  But telling the truth earns me trust and respect.  This is especially helpful when dealing with someone I don’t like.  Sometimes I have to deal with them anyway.  Being honest, direct and willing to apologize is not mutually exclusive.  Treating others the way I would like to be treated, gets me my way more often than not.

3. Figure Out What’s Important: I have to use common sense and critical assessment skills to determine my priorities.  What do I want most and what will the repercussions be of getting what I want?  I love an “all you can eat buffet,” but do I have to eat everything in the joint?  I love eating so much that I used to be a “regular” at “Sizzler” – $2.99 All You Can Eat Buffet – can’t beat a couple of juicy steaks and a hearty salad bar for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Now, I’d rather wait to eat than eat something that doesn’t taste amazing.

4. Do I Want to Be Happy or Right?:  This is tricky.  There can be a subtle twist of irony in distinguishing happy from right.  I am more than happy to take the last verbal jab at my husband before he leaves for work, but is it right?  Well, no.  My “happy” stats have proven that kind of happiness to be as fleeting as the time it takes for him to open and close the door on his way out.  Biting my tongue is a great repellent for getting what I want.  Doing what’s right is my better choice.  It gets me what I want more often than not – prolonged moments of “happy.”

5. Don’t Throw a Temper Tantrum: There is nothing worse than a poor sport – except, a full grown adult being a poor sport and having a temper tantrum.  It’s silliness.  In the final match at Wimbledon in 1981, John McEnroe made history for his “You cannot be serious” outburst.   The umpire “awarded” a point against McEnroe.  I decided to start throwing my tennis racquet after that.  “It’s cool,” I thought.  “If the number one seed in the world can do it, so can I.”  That worked – until my racquet (wood back then) cracked in half after doing it the first time.  Not only did I look like an idiot, I got disqualified for poor sportsmanship!  I “awarded” myself by discarding all of my “McEnroe-like, terry-cloth, head sweatbands” after that!

6. Consider Timing: Timing is everything.  Just because I have information, doesn’t mean I need to disclose it.  It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t disclose it, either.  Getting my way means being patient and using information wisely – that is, does it serve a good purpose and does it have to be said now and by me?  Will it help my friend if I tell her what I know, or is it fodder for gossip?  If I have to hurt someone to get what I want, I don’t deserve to get it.  What I want and what I need are two entirely different matters.

7. Have a Sense of Humor: Like a balloon releasing air, humor has been and still is the greatest antidote for diffusing and disarming defensive situations.

Homework:

Huh?

Try out one of these tips for yourself this week.  If you need a good place to start, try #6: Consider Timing – “Does disclosing this information serve a good purpose, does it have to be said by me and does it have to be said now?  Let me know how it goes.

In the meantime, if any of these tips were helpful, let me know in the comment section below and/or share this article with friends through e-mail, Twitter or Facebook.

Until next time, here’s to peace, metta and the humorously absurd.

####

Photo credit

Tagged as: Acceptance, Doing the next right thing, Faith, Feelings, Fulfillment, Goals, Laughter, Self-Acceptance, Willingness