What NOT To Call The Supreme Court Chief Justice Of The United States

Humor.2.24.17. Chief.Mo

In all the years I worked in Hollywood, I never once asked for an autograph.

The first time I do?

It’s for John Roberts: Supreme Court Chief Justice of the United States.

Roberts graduated from my high school alma mater and was giving the commencement speech there one day, and my fourth grade son, at the time, had prepared a Power Point presentation about him that he wanted Roberts to sign.

Mom, will you get Chief Justice Roberts’s autograph on my presentation when we see him on Saturday?

You bet I will! I blurted.

I couldn’t say no to that. I didn’t want to lose face.

But my body broke out into a cold sweat and my heart started pounding.

It was a hard ticket to get–even as an alum.

I regress when I go back to my high school, too.

Worse, when I’m nervous, I giggle and say stupid things, things I can never take back.

Things I try to convince myself that I only said in my head.

So when the highest judge in the land finished delivering the commencement speech and I got my one chance, I gave him a firm hand shake that triggered this:

Hi, Mo Vear. This is my Llama Mater, too.

Llama Mater!

I’m pretty sure I said ‘Llama Mater’ to the highest judge in the land.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

There was the question of how to address him.

I hadn’t thought that through.

Is it Your Honor?

Your Honorable Numero Uno? Chief Chieftan? Chief Justice Honorable Sir?


Grand Sultan?

Grand Poobah?

There wasn’t much time.

I had to decide.

After he finished speaking, he was escorted outside to a receiving line.

I had to seize the moment–or be seized.

Roberts’s security detail was closing in, getting ready to whisk him away.

One guy, who looked like a mall cop named “Chuck,” started talking into his cufflink–as if I wouldn’t notice. (Please, I grew up on Get Smart.)

He wasn’t going to stop me from getting the autograph I needed for my son.

But Chuck was close to another guy–a bigger guy with guns–the bicep kind and the kill ’em kind. (Guns of any kind scare me, especially when bullets are near by.)

So I kept one eye trained on Chuck–as I’m sure he had both of his eyes trained on me–and focused on getting my autograph.

Then, I made my move.

After telling the Chief Justice we shared the same Llama Mater, I just kept talking, leaving him to wonder perhaps:

Did she just say, ‘Llama Mater,’ or have I been sitting the bench too long?

To make matters worse, I think I followed it up with the wonderful:

Has anyone ever called you, Chief of the Supremes?

Yep! It just rolled off my tongue, as if I was merely stating the obvious which, of course, is in the interest of serving justice.

Why didn’t I stop at Llama Mater?

Because I’m an idiot.

I quickly showed him my son’s Power Point presentation and whipped out a Sharpie for him to sign it–waiting ’til later to use my back as a table top so he could but, then, he did something unexpected.

He started reading it.

Every page–asking me questions about my son.

It wasn’t a legal brief, but I could feel Security Chuck’s laser-ray eyes burning into my kid’s paper; he seemed antsy.

It was understandable.

It probably appeared as if I had produced said Sharpie from thin air, although, I did have a suspicious flower on my hat that I imagined was squirting him in the face with black ink–Chuck’s face, not the Chief’s.

But I felt compelled to answer the Chief’s questions–of all people.

He had been so gracious, so I told him the truth:

My son wants to be president someday and frankly, he thinks your signature might help with that. Ya know, like an endorsement.

I also think he wants to impress his teacher at school, I mumbled, out of the corner of my mouth.

The Chief Justice smiled and said it was his pleasure to sign my son’s report and that he wished him the best of luck on his future presidential run, but that I might want to talk him out of it.

I told the Chief Justice–since he’s in the business of fairness–that he might want to talk my son out of it because my son doesn’t really listen to me.

I thanked him for his time and his words of wisdom and then gave Chuck a knowing nod, as if to say:

I know that you know that I know that you know, you’re watching me watch you.

At least I didn’t ask the Chief Justice for his John Hancock.

It was on my mind, but I exercised restraint.

I swear, under penalty of perjury.

The Things We Do For Our Kids

I’m paraphrasing, but Chief Justice Roberts gave two tips to the graduates that day that I will always remember and that I will now, always remind my kids to remember, too, no matter where they are on their journeys in life:

When you get to college, take the time to say hello or good morning to everyone you pass.

You’ll be remembered as the friendly new guy or new girl, and that’s not a bad reputation to have, nor is it a bad thing to be.

Secondly, give your faith a chance.

For the first four weeks, go to church or your corresponding place of faith.

At a time when things are changing quickly, how you respond can affect your future indeterminably, so have a familiar time and place to reflect.

Letting Yourself Be Seen

I didn’t know how I was going to get Roberts’s autograph that day, I just knew I was going to get it.

I contemplate good intentions and value other people’s time, but I don’t always have the best timing or the perfect words.

I’ve assumed–mostly, that people will forgive and forget my missteps because mostly, I have always felt forgettable.

Loving my kids more than I love myself is the antidote to that.

Loving them forces me to be seen and to forget about feeling forgettable–mostly.

I try to trust the process.

It’s terrifying.

So, here’s to small steps.

To reaching out with a warm hello and a smile to the people we pass every day, because that is always a good way to be.

And to making eye contact with them because in this way, we’re practicing letting ourselves be seen.

And, here’s to giving ourselves a familiar time and place every day, to quietly reflect on how we’ve done and how we can do better tomorrow.

Until then,

Just do today.

Today is all we have, so make the best of the rest of it–even if you misstep; it’s okay.

It has to be.

Just press on.

Cheers–to loving someone more than you love yourself and to letting yourself be seen.





Photo Credit: Humor Me With Mo

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19 Responses to “What NOT To Call The Supreme Court Chief Justice Of The United States”

  1. beviFebruary 12, 2018 at 8:04 pm #

    was feeling a bit down in the dumps – something very rare for me. Doing laundry, cleaning and just sitting didn’t help. I NEEDED TO LAUGH- so I pulled UP: http://www.humormewithmo.com AND READ THROUGH YOUR BLOGS- I laughed and am still laughing! Thankyou! You have a gift of humor… mine is laughing! Thanks for helping my perspective!!!!

  2. ScottMarch 6, 2017 at 2:51 pm #

    Fun read! And some great advice!

  3. Maria MaganaFebruary 27, 2017 at 5:04 pm #

    That is something to remember, always say hello to everyone you meet and have a place to worship, reflect. But I need to say you are anything but forgettable!

    • MO VEARFebruary 28, 2017 at 3:49 pm #

      Thanks, Maria! 🙂

  4. GayFebruary 27, 2017 at 7:47 am #

    Thanks Mo! You’re just so you! Love the smiles you bring to my face and what an awesome moment in time!

    • MO VEARFebruary 28, 2017 at 3:49 pm #

      Ditto! xo 🙂

  5. GTFebruary 24, 2017 at 7:31 pm #


    Whatever else you may be (all good things) you will never be forgettable.

    Congratulations on a very entertaining piece.


    • MO VEARFebruary 25, 2017 at 11:22 pm #

      THANK YOU! (For the whole thing you said) 🙂

  6. Bud VearFebruary 24, 2017 at 6:59 pm #

    You’ve done it again – captured my attention and delivered a profound message for life. I’m so glad you are part of the Vear Clan. Kudos.

    • MO VEARFebruary 25, 2017 at 11:19 pm #

      You are very kind, Bud, and I appreciate it! Thank you so much for following me and sharing your thoughts! Have you ever said anything stupid like me? Can’t imagine!!!! 🙂

  7. Jenny GaffFebruary 24, 2017 at 6:47 pm #

    First of all, I love the top photo of you and John Roberts.
    You are too cute to resist. He had to do what ever you wanted.
    Neat that you asked and got the autograph. Really special that
    He took the time to read the report about himself.
    I have a friend whose grandson contacted him because he was from Indiana and then the whole family visited him in DC. Sounds like he is a caring and considerate person.
    Yes, your boys made you ask and get his autograph so now they know you’d do anything for them!

    • MO VEARFebruary 25, 2017 at 11:17 pm #

      That’s what really struck me – his taking so much time and care. I remember thinking – wow, he is really reading Danny’s report! I wonder if he has a photographic memory. But I’ll bet he makes everyone feel that way, like they are the only person in the room. Very humble and gracious guy. Thanks, as always, for reading and sharing your thoughts Jenny!

      • ScottMarch 6, 2017 at 2:52 pm #

        The thought that struck me was that perhaps he was reading it to see what he was putting his name to. What if you were lying and it was actually something that could harm him? Gosh, I think I’m getting too jaded! LOL

        • MO VEARMarch 15, 2017 at 9:29 pm #

          Totally! And thank goodness he did take the time to read it. It could have been any ‘ol thing! LOLOL Thanks for sharing! xo

  8. AndrewFebruary 24, 2017 at 6:25 pm #

    Funny stuff!!!

    • MO VEARFebruary 25, 2017 at 11:12 pm #

      Thanks!!! 🙂

  9. MhawksFebruary 24, 2017 at 4:31 pm #

    Ha! That was an awesome day I got to share with you! And only you could have pulled off the stint of a real conversation & acquiring his signature, getting through security like a keystone cop. Lol 🙂

    • MO VEARFebruary 25, 2017 at 11:10 pm #

      Keystone cop. THAT’S funny. I still feel a bit nauseous thinking about it, but too late now. So glad you were there! Hard to believe it was so long ago and Danny is going into high school! Wow. xoxox

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